Jack Bauer Fodder

04Apr10

April is upon us and I still have a job here. Wow! This week we are paying homage to the legendary Jack Bauer, whose hit show “24” is being cancelled after this season. So, in honor of Agent Bauer, we are going with 24 thoughts this week because I love the show, and because 24 thoughts is less work than 28.

1. Major League Baseball has started! And yes, the Blue Jays still suck, the Yankees still have a $200 million payroll, everyone’s still on steroids, Barry Bonds still hasn’t retired, Bud Selig still looks like a corpse, the Blue Jays still suck, there are still about 80 guys in the league with the last name Ramirez, and the season is still 100 games too long.

2. That my friends, was an action packed first point. Who’s excited for the rest of the column? Yeah, me neither.

3. Is there anything less relevant than the first month of a 162 game regular season? Come find me in a couple months when the Blue Jays are already out of the playoffs and [insert player of Domincan descent here] gets busted for steroids.

4. Sticking with baseball, how awesome is this? I wish my boss would do this for me. Mine could say “172” for the amount of readers I probably lose each week. http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/03/27/1550993/florida-marlins-owner-give…

5. Wanna see the greatest battle of all time? Check it out: A switch hitter vs. a switch pitcher (forward to 0:55 mark) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDyCRTlKllk

6. Have I mentioned that the Blue Jays still suck?

7. Picture of the week: In honor of Cosmo Kramer, we have ourselves a “cccc-cattt fight” ” http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/5Ft1JB/sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/imag…

8. Quote of the week: “I disagreed with the call”- Jim Playfair (this guy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrkR7ih6f3M&feature=related)

9. Perhaps that was a slight overreaction…

10. Has anyone heard of the “Illuminati” before? Quick rundown: they are a heavily rumored secret society consisting of many of the most powerful men on the planet including The Bush Family, the Rockerfellers, and even Barack Obama. What does this have to do with sports you ask? Rumors are Kobe Bryant and/or Lebron James could be members as well. Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixhSOjrHcec

11. Twenty bucks says half of you turned it off right away, and the other half of you now fully believe the Illuminati exist.

12. Lebron James’ changed his number to six while Kobe changed his number to 24 (2+4=6). Michael Jordan, also rumored to be in the Illuminati, wore the number 23 (2×3=6). Put all three numbers together you get “666”. See, the proof is all right there in front of our face…

13. Olympic gold medalist Evan Lysacek is among a handful of athletes looking to win this year’s “Dancing with the Stars” competition. I thought his alegrais was strong last week but found his allemande in the second quartet of his adagio performance to be missing the necessary passion that would’ve earned him a perfect score.

14. Yes I looked up dance terms and definitions on the internet, and yes, I didn’t get passed the “A” section of the page.

15. Best part about this blog: I have an excuse to watch this show and nobody can make fun of me for it.

16. As the NBA season comes to an end, many are already predicting a unanimous MVP award for Lebron James—making him the first to accomplish the feat in league history.

17. One thing to keep an eye on: votes coming out of Oklahoma City. All it takes is one hometown writer to vote for his guy instead of Lebron to prevent the King from taking a clean sweep of the votes. Why do I say Oklahoma City you ask? Kevin Durant and his monster sized 29.6 PPG.

18. Is Easter considered a stat holiday for professional athletes? Imagine time and a half pay on Kobe’s $20 million dollar salary?

19. Does Jay Bouwmeester’s iron man streak still count if he’s invisible on the ice every time he plays?

20. I went to go watch an AHL hockey game last night. Best part about this league? Brad May is a top line player and go to guy on his team.

21. Worst part about this league? Brad May is a top line player and a go to guy on his team.

22. BREAKING NEWS: Shane O’Brien was caught making out with a girl in a restaurant washroom on Tuesday night. How do I know this? The girl went to my high school and this information is now spreading like wildfire throughout my hometown. Given who this girl is, O’Brien now goes by the nickname “Sloppy Seconds Shane” in the city of Richmond, BC.

23. Last thought: WWE legend Shawn Micheals retired on Monday night, ending arguably the greatest career in the history of professional wrestling. While many people attempt to use professional wrestling as punch line in jokes and opt to not give it the respect and due that it deserves, these guys are some of the most impressive athletes and entertainers on the planet. And Shawn Micheals did it just as good if not better than anybody. If you don’t shed a tear during this, I can only assume you’re more of a man than I am (which may not being saying a lot) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zaJAF3DuC4&feature=related

24. Oh, and the Blue Jays still suck.

Much love. Hit me back. Truly yours, S-St-St-Stttann

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