Kobe Bryant Fodder: All Business All the Time

14Jun10

Kobe Bryant rapin again

Isn’t it funny that when Kobe Bryant gets awarded the coveted Fodder title this week it’s just his name, but when Lebron James gets it, it’s completely tied to his mom? I really believe this picture illustrates all of Lebron’s fantasies and is a metaphor for their relationship. Here are 19 points this week in honor of the amount of points Kobe scored in a row in the 3rd quarter.

  1. Has anyone seen Kobe Bryant’s player intro walk out? I have never seen one man personify the term “all business” so perfectly before in my entire life. I’m convinced that if he didn’t have to hi-5 his teammates, he wouldn’t
  2. For all you kids out there, this is how not to act when you score a basket:
  3. On a side note, if you have no life (like me) and you wanna get a good laugh, scroll down through some of the user comments on youtube for this clip. For some ungodly reason, people start getting extremely racist and it is absolutely uncalled for/hilarious.
  4. I’m sure we’ve all seen the Big Baby drool clip from game 4 of the NBA finals, but my favourite part of the whole thing is by far and away Ray Allen’s reaction to it. The look of disgust and embarrassment on his face is priceless.
  5. After setting an NBA record for 3 pointers in a finals game in game 2, Ray Allen broke another record in game 3, this time for futility as he tied to lowest shooting percentage (minimum 10 shots) in NBA Finals history.
  6. Note: Being called futile has to be right up there in the list of “things you never want to be called”. Others include “sterile”, “feeble”, and “Big Baby”.
  7. Sticking with our futile friend Raymond Allen, we have a fantastic Quote of the Week: “A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him. Ray Allen didn’t need anyone hurling bricks at him in Game 3 of the NBA Finals, he was doing just fine on his own”
  8. Stat of the week: Nick Lidstrom will be the 9th highest paid defenseman in the NHL next season. Ed Jovonoski, Brian Campbell, Jay Bouwemeester, and Wade Redden will all be earning more money than him.
  9. Note: Remember when this fodder used to be like 80% hockey? Funny how that number drastically dropped once the Wings went out.
  10. Picture of the week: Draw your on conclusions from this picture
  11. Rasheed Wallace has the best reactions in the history of the NBA. I’ve never seen anything like it. The best part is, he’s consistent. He looks like an absolute idiot, every single time. Check it (3:40 mark): 
  12. Toronto Raptors forward Hedo Turkoglu wants out of Toronto and apparently wants to go back to Sacramento.
  13. For those wondering, here was Hedo Turkoglu’s resume from this past season: Got paid 9 million dollars, averaged just over 11 points per game, at a standing height of 6-10 he managed to only grab 4 rebounds per game, shot a dismal 41% from the field, didn’t hit one game winning shot after hitting several in last years NBA playoffs, didn’t show up to a game because he was sick but was later seen out partying at a Toronto nightclub later that night, was moved to the bench at one point in the season because apparently 9 million dollars doesn’t buy you a starting forward anymore, and here’s the kicker: With the Raptors fighting for their playoff lives down the stretch, Turkoglu averaged a colossal 6 points per game in the final 5 games of the year as the Raptors missed the post season by 1 game.
  14. Seriously, who the hell is this guy to be making ANY demands as to where he wants to go?
  15. Retro Clip of the week: Arguably the greatest play in NBA history, not just because of the play itself, but the reaction by Larry Johnson. If you want the full context, by all means watch the entire 8 minute mini documentary on the play. If you just wanna do a quick hit it and quit it, fast forward to the 4:50 mark
  16. I hate Marian Hossa (Plug: Check back later this week for an article detailing why is he a douchebag)
  17. Last thought: This fodder started with Kobe, so it’s only fitting we end it with Kobe. This might be the best song ever. Actually what am I saying, it IS the best song ever. It’s Kobe Bryant rapping with Tyra Banks laying down the vocals for the chorus. The song is called K.O.B.E., because Kobe is the only man on the planet who can get a way with dedicating a whole rap song just to himself.
  18. The best line by far is at the start when Kobe spits out “Uh, what I live for? Basketball, beats, and broads”. I’m pretty sure he accomplished 2 of the 3 in a Colorado motel room not too long ago…
  19. Ladies and Gents, sit back and enjoy this track, as the Screech myster takes you home…
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